I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
