Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
