Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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