May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
