You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
