My room smells like vodka and shame
wanna go halves on a baby?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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