My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize