you have to choose: penises or morals?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.