I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
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My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.