I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.