Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'

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(703): View more from Virginia

He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(908): View more from New Jersey

While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

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(818): View more from California

I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.

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(530): View more from California

I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover

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(205): View more from Alabama

I can only rely on you and Taco Bell

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(352): View more from Florida

How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?

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