Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.

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  (206): Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/tro9
  Replies (10) Good night (1122) Bad night (1970)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper

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  (703): She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper http://tfl.nu/dnfr
  Replies (30) Good night (5597) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.

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  (410): 9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season. http://tfl.nu/tefo
  Replies (23) Good night (4578) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.

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  (810): Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of. http://tfl.nu/uwfl
  Replies (14) Good night (3978) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...

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  (540): I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant... http://tfl.nu/4jrj
  Replies (17) Good night (4068) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.

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  (715): Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's. http://tfl.nu/k4yu
  Replies (20) Good night (1414) Bad night (4514)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?

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  (516): Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom? http://tfl.nu/hpn8
  Replies (31) Good night (1361) Bad night (6104)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I need a leather bustier to keep them in.

  (925): View more from California

  Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.

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  (406): I need a leather bustier to keep them in. (925): Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that. http://tfl.nu/8m96
  Replies (26) Good night (6184) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  Does God suck his dick?

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  (270): He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God." (1-270): Does God suck his dick? http://tfl.nu/w42a
  Replies (105) Good night (1334) Bad night (5839)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.

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  (630): Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening. http://tfl.nu/nbt7
  Replies (15) Good night (5498) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign

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  (818): i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign http://tfl.nu/0lhe
  Replies (7) Good night (1038) Bad night (4249)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.

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  (610): we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty. http://tfl.nu/7ebu
  Replies (3) Good night (562) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.

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  (580): You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year. http://tfl.nu/svvl
  Replies (3) Good night (838) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"

  (707): View more from California

  Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.

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  (559): Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!" (707): Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war. http://tfl.nu/84el
  Replies (6) Good night (1456) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.

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  (732): I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself. http://tfl.nu/uoqa
  Replies (2) Good night (145) Bad night (257)

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