U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?