im so drunk with asians
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
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That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.