I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?