would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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