I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
