as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
