I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize