I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
