we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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