So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
