drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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