forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize