dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
