we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
