I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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