Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
