i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
