There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
