I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
