New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
