tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
