so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
