you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I could make wine with my vomit
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
