GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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