you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
