I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
