So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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