I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
