He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
