I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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