I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize