This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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