we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
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Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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