You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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