I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
