i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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