Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
