He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
