Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
