the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
