Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
