What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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