the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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