i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
