if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
