i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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