And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize