Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
