I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
