When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
