Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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