she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
