You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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