Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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