So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
