Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
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I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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