Who did Billy Mays play for?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
this just has baby written all over it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
