Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
