I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
