She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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