His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is it because I queefed?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
