I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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