i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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