Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
