Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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